


Out in Daylight, My Potential

by harperslanding



Series: Is It Over? [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Autistic Pearl (Steven Universe), Autistic Peridot (Steven Universe), F/F, Past Abuse, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Physical Abuse, i barely ever write shipfic so bare with me, neurodivergent amethyst, not stated exactly how but shes def nd, unhealthy prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 20:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20918360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harperslanding/pseuds/harperslanding
Summary: Steven is staying over at Connie's house and Pearl is paranoid that he's going to fuse into Stevonnie to illegally drink alcohol and watch R-rated movies. Garnet tries to keep her distracted by assigning her the task of cleaning the house. For reasons that she never explains, she tells Peridot to assist Pearl with the cleaning. Is it her future vision at work, or is she just good at recognizing love?Contains abusive pearl/rose. Part 2 of a series. Reading part 1 isn't necessary but chapter 2 of part 1 is an author's note on why I chose this depiction of Pearl/Rose so if you're about to comment about how OOC it is then check that out first.





	Out in Daylight, My Potential

There’s a flap of her skinny arms and a piercing blue gaze. “Careful!” she hisses, swatting an arm away from her forehead. “You’re going to crack my gem!”

Garnet raises an eyebrow, but it’s hidden by her sunglasses, and so she manages to move the exposed gem on her palm away from Pearl’s anxious hands.

There’s a hesitant piece of advice from the gem with blue cheeks. “You know … if you’re worried about your gem being damaged, you could always try summoning a visor. Like me.” The visor does not fully cover her gem -- hasn’t since her regeneration -- but it’s better than nothing.

Pearl spares the shorter gem a glance. “Good idea. I’ll try that next regeneration. “Thanks, Peridot.” She fails to notice the blue cheeks, and continues. “We have to be careful while Steven’s at Connie’s house. If anything happens without him to heal us…”

“C’mon, P, we’ll be fine!” says Amethyst, and she’s trying to be reassuring, but just by watching it’s clear that she is the opposite of what Pearl needs right now. Amethyst has approximately the volume control skills of a brick hitting the ground and self-awareness to match. Her voice is raspy, and careless, and maybe just that little bit too loud, and Pearl flinches slightly.

Peridot frowns. It’s a sympathetic frown, because she’s been there. She’s experienced first-hand what it feels like on the bad days, the days where talking too loud is a knife to the head and hands waving too close to one’s face is an attack. The days where everything is a source of pain or fear.

Usually both.

Garnet, too, knows. Not like Peridot, though. She knows that it’s too loud the same way she knows that Saturn has rings -- only through what she’s been told, second-hand knowledge. Not comparable to first-hand experience, but better than ignorance and disbelief.

“I think,” says Garnet cautiously, as though probing for a response. “that Steven would like it if he came back to find the house nicely cleaned.”

Peridot, from what she’s seen of Steven, highly doubts that. He’s not completely determined to have disorder and mess like Amethyst is, but he’s never seemed to care. It’s hard not to wonder if Garnet believes it herself.

Pearl leaps at the opportunity. “I’ll clean up!” she yells, practically jumping on the spot with eagerness. Is it a distraction she wants, an opportunity to focus on something that will make the rest of the world seem like a blur? Or does she just hope reducing the clutter will reduce the overall chaos that comes with the Crystal Gems? Peridot’s not sure.

A pair of purple eyes widen, and Garnet spots it immediately. “Pearl, you can start with Steven’s room. Amethyst, while she’s working on Steven’s room, you can make sure all of your stuff is in your room. I’ll be on the beach when you’re done so that Pearl can have some space.”

Amethyst nods, satisfied with this solution. Peridot identified Amethyst as different early on, but she was a … different different. The visible yet hidden panic at the mere thought of people touching her belongings without her consent had once made it easy to think that she was different like her, but Peridot had been looking in the wrong place if she wanted someone who thought like her.

Amethyst is different. Neurodivergent, disabled, neuroatypical, a whole mix of umbrella terms, but never anything specific if she can help it, at least not around Peridot. She seems a lot more reluctant to talk about the details than Pearl and Peridot, particularly around the gem that identified her as defective.

Peridot first said those words, those unknowingly hurtful backhanded compliments back in the Kindergarden, two years ago. A little longer than that, actually.

Amethyst is how old? Five thousand, six thousand? Two years is a drop in the bucket to her.

“Peridot,” says Garnet. “you help Pearl clean.”

Peridot’s cheeks turn blue and she jumps back slightly, startled. Garnet has future vision. It’s been shown on numerous ocaisions to be somewhat unreliable -- she can’t believe she never picked up on Rose being Pink Diamond -- but it’s still there. Does she know?

Pearl starts walking toward Steven’s room, telling Peridot to follow. Amethyst starts picking up her stuff off the ground. Garnet raises her sunglasses and her blue eye winks.

Yep, that confirms it.

She knows.

* * *

“I don’t know why I agreed to it!”

She aggressively places a perfectly-folded shirt in the closet as she continues to ramble. “How can I know that Connie’s parents are supervising them sufficiently?! For all I know they’re fused into Stevonnie right now, taking advantage of their older appearance to purchase alcoholic beverages as we speak!”

“Stevonnie is still fairly young-looking by human standards,” argues Peridot in an attempt at reassuring Pearl. “Would they not also be required to deliver proof of identification?”

“Or they could be seeing R-rated films!” she continues to ramble.

“Uh, what’s an R-rated film?”

Pearl makes a frustrated grunting sort of noise as she furiously places a pale blue dress on a hook in the closet. “He -- that is to say, they could be participating in all sorts of illegal activities taking advantage of the fact that they look older than they are! Don’t you care about this at all?!”

Peridot shrugs a little as she takes a packet of cake mix out from under the bed. She pauses. “Why does Steven have cake mix under his bed?”

“I don’t know!” She snatches the cake mix and stomps off to put it somewhere more sensible, ideally the kitchen. “Honestly, Peridot, we don’t know if they’re safe!”

“I think they’ll be okay…”

“Ugh! You’re acting just like … like …” In her efforts to name someone so dismissive, so seemingly careless, she accidentally insults one of her closest friends. Well, half of one of her closest friends. “Just like Sapphire!” Or maybe it’s a compliment, Peridot’s actually quite intelligent and admirable.

Without missing a beat, the shorter gem replies, “Okay, Ruby.”

Pearl raises a confused eyebrow. “What does that even --”

The implications hit her like a tonne of bricks and she looks down at Peridot. Peridot winks. Pearl freezes.

Somehow, the confusion she feels when she realises what’s going on is worse than the confusion she felt when she had no idea.

Right. This is an attempt at the practice of flirtation. She has learned to recognize this from her many encounters with human women, human women who are hoping to engage in the practice of “dating” with her.

Why would Peridot want to engage in the practice of “dating” with her?

She attempts to ask this, but it comes out a little less coherently than expected.

“P-Peridot -- what?!”

“Well,” explains Peridot. “Amethyst said you like bad girls … and I’m bad. At everything!

This explains nothing.

She tries to tackle it bit by bit.

“That’s not what bad girls actually means… And I don’t like bad girls.” Except that one girl that just happened to fit the label, at the concert, but she liked her for different reasons. For her pink hair and tall frame.

Peridot is short and blonde. And cute.

She shakes her head. Pearl wants a girlfriend that can lift her up and smother her in pink hair and break her in half. Peridot can do none of those things and therefore is not suitable girlfriend material.

“Peridot,” she says firmly.

“Yeah?”

“Are … are you just joking around? Or … ?” The unfinished question hangs in the air, but Peridot’s blue cheeks are their own type of answer.

Pearl’s cheeks are also blue.

The room is silent.

“Yo, P, I got all my stuff away so you can clean the rest of the house now if you want.”

Amethyst lazily walks into the room, swinging the door open carelessly. She fails to notice the two blue faces and the deafening silence. She can be so oblivious sometimes.

“I’ll do the bathroom,” volunteers Peridot.

“I’ll take the kitchen,” says Pearl.

The two run off to their respective destinations. Amethyst furrows her brows, beginning to put the pieces together. But it’s none of her business. Besides, Garnet is waiting outside for her.

* * *

The dishes are clean, the benches are spotless, the floor is mopped and everything is exactly where it should be. There’s not a single thing she could do to make this kitchen cleaner. But Peridot’s probably not done with the bathroom yet and she shouldn’t move on to the living room without consulting her partner, so she has a bit of free time.

She shouldn’t move on to the living room without consulting her working partner. Her colleague. Functionally they’re more coworkers than anything. They’re not partners and she does not want them to be. Peridot is short and inefficient and cute and therefore not suitable girlfriend material.

Besides, she has a lot of phone numbers in her gem. Numbers of girls that heard of her from Sheena. Numbers of girls that know her not as Pearl, the Crystal Gem, but as Pearl, the magical lesbian alien from Beach City. Phone numbers she’s probably never going to call.

She’s gotten rid of the pink hair requirement. It’s superficial, and besides, human hair does not naturally come in pink so it’s not real anyway, just artificially dyed. But any potential partner still has to be physically larger and willing to give out commands.

Even ignoring that Peridot is blonde, and Pearl has no idea if human-oriented artificial hair dye products can be safely or effectively used on gems, Peridot is just … not the right gem. Admirable and smart and attractive and all, but not suitable girlfriend material. She’s too short to be imposing and not authoritative enough and honestly, how would a Peridot end up being in possession of a Pearl anyway?

She pauses.

_How would a Peridot end up being in possession of a Pearl anyway?_

She begins to consider that maybe there’s something wrong with her thought process.

Those horrific hierarchies back on Homeworld, the systematic abuse of low-ranking gems and immediate shattering of anyone unable to fulfill their purpose … those systems were dismantled two years ago, when Steven managed to convince White Diamond that he wasn’t just another form of Rose and force her to see her own imperfections. Things surely aren’t perfect for those who choose to stay on Homeworld instead of moving to Earth, prejudices are rampant and those who used to live a life of luxury at the expense of lower-ranking gems are bitter, but …

But there is absolutely no reason that a Pearl who was told to consider herself equal to her owner almost six thousand years ago, that a Pearl who has been officially unowned for sixteen -- no, for several thousand years, should be unable to tell the difference between wanting a romantic partner and wanting an owner.

She supposes that, up until sixteen years ago, those two terms were functionally synonyms.

Of course, Rose didn’t officially own her, not since “Rose Quartz” “shattered” Pink Diamond. Arguably, they were equals when she assumed her Rose Quartz persona since they met Garnet. But … she was still a Diamond, and she still had powers over her Pearl.

Sometimes she thinks about how different things would have been if she had been able to tell Steven the truth sooner, or rather if she could have just told him instead of finding a convoluted way to let him know without disobeying the order. Was it really necessary to take advantage of her Diamond powers to ensure that the secret remained concealed? She couldn’t have known that later events would cause complications that could have been avoided if she had simply been able to tell the Crystal Gems the truth, but … couldn’t she have trusted Pearl to use her own judgement and not tell the others, rather than needlessly taking her autonomy away by forcing her to obey that order for thousands of years?

Her mind drifts back to the several times her prior owner had referred to her as “my Pearl”, both as a Diamond and as a Crystal Gem. The other Crystal Gems assumed it was a mere pet name, an affectionate moniker, but was there not also a hidden meaning that only Pearl could understand, a double meaning as a declaration of ownership? Did anything ever truly change?

“Uh, Pearl? You’ve been standing in front of the sink staring wistfully out the window for ten minutes now.”

She looks down.

It’s Peridot.

Her face turns blue at the sight of her. “Oh! Sorry, Peridot, I was merely … distracted. Well, we ought to continue with the rest of the house now!”

* * *

Pearl is a scarily fast cleaner.

Peridot never thought she would have to think the words “scarily fast cleaner”, but here she is, thinking them.

She’s sure at this point that the only reason Garnet ordered her to help Pearl with the cleaning was that she had some idea of what might happen thanks to her future vision. It’s clear that Pearl is in no need of assistance. She dashes through the hallways with spray cleaner and detergent and Peridot is mostly just there to hold the stuff for her.

It’s scarily fast.

That’s a little inaccurate, though. Not scarily fast; there’s nothing about it that seems superhuman more than what a gem normally is, nothing about it that falls into the uncanny valley. It’s just impressively fast.

The scary part is the fact that the faster she cleans, the sooner they’ll be done, and Peridot has a feeling that they’ll have to have a discussion when she’s done.

As expected, they finish in no time, and Pearl glances out the window. Amethyst and Bismuth are playing some sort of human game, and Garnet is … drawing on two balloons? Peridot decides not to question it. Pearl decides not to suggest they join the game.

She sits on the couch, and Peridot sits next to her. The message is loud yet silent, clear yet unspoken, that same loud silence that was felt when Pearl asked if Peridot was merely joking with her attempts to engage in flirtation, and the nervous “Or…” that was never expanded into a full question.

“Peridot,” she begins. “Earlier today, when you were making those jokes…”

“When you compared me to Sapphire and I referred to you as Ruby,” suggests Peridot, not wishing to bring up the “bad girl” side of the story, because she’s still confused about what it means. If it’s not a girl that’s bad at things, then what is it?

“Yes,” continues Pearl. “Were you … merely joking and teasing as friends sometimes do?”

“Um… no.” She sits up proudly, and brags of her master plan, “I was attempting to engage in the human practice of “flirtation”! It was something Amethyst recommended in my attempts to pursue a romantic relationship with you!”

“...So you wish to pursue a relationship with me?”

“Yeah!”

“...Why didn’t you just say that?”

“...That’s an excellent question.” She dismisses the question with a shrug of her shoulders. “So, um… Do you …”

“Do I accept your request?”

“...Uh, yeah…”

“...I don’t know.”

Peridot stares at her, hoping for some sort of elaboration. Pearl hesitates, and brings her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I …” Her cheeks turn blue. “I like you, Peridot. I like you a lot. It’s just that … I haven’t exactly had the best history with relationships.”

“Really?” This is the first she’s heard of it. Amethyst mentioned nothing of the sort. Was Amethyst deliberately concealing the truth to keep Peridot hopeful, or has Pearl been hiding something?

“Well… I’ve tried dating a lot of humans, but … It’s never worked out. We would just stop talking after the first few dates, because … I don’t know. They weren’t what I wanted.”

“What did you want?”

She hesitates.

“An owner.”

...Oh.

She tries a nervous laugh. “That’s what happens when you spend thousands of years dating someone who used to literally own you. It really warps your perspective on relationships.”

Peridot frowns. “But I thought you and Rose were equals! Didn’t she risk her life to liberate all low-ranking gems?”

“So did I…” She sighs. “Trying to date humans made me realise a lot of the stuff between me and Rose wasn’t normal. Maybe she genuinely wanted me and all others Pearls to be free, but … I don’t know. It’s hard to break old habits.”

Peridot hesitates, then places a hand on Pearl’s shoulder in what Steven has told her is a comforting way. “I’m sorry, Pearl. The hierarchies on Homeworld were awful for anyone who wasn’t at the top, but … It’s hard for me to fully imagine how horrific it must be for Pearls. For you to escape the planet and still be made to feel like that … I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to feel that way.”

Pearl is hesitant to say anything, and she looks like she’s about to cry. “Thanks, Peri,” she mumbles, and Peridot waits for the “dot” that never comes. She raises an eyebrow. Pearl never uses nicknames. Before she can question it, Pearl mutters, “Can I … tell you something?”

“Of course,” answers Peridot, hoping she won’t regret it.

* * *

Her voice is firm and commanding, and it almost stuns Pearl into giving up.

“Drop it, Pearl. Just let it go.”

She almost does as she’s told, but months of jealousy and fear inspire her to continue. “No! I won’t let it go! You -- You always said I was the most important!”

“You still are.”

“You said you want to spend the rest of your life with him!” She quakes with emotion, with betrayal, with rage. “He’s a human, you’ll outlive him normally! Are you thinking of -- of shattering yourself and leaving me behind?!”

“No, don’t be ridiculous, nothing like that!” She hesitates. “We’ve been … he’s teaching me about human reproductive methods --”

“You’re having Greg’s baby?!” chokes Pearl, and the dam breaks. Tears stream down her cheeks. “Is -- is that even possible?!”

“I don’t know,” answers Rose. “From what we’ve researched, it may be possible, but … he would have my gem. I would have to give up my physical form.”

“But…” Hyperventilating takes over her, despite her lack of a need for respiration in the first place. “But the baby will only live for a century or less, right? So after he dies, you’ll be back!”

Rose’s face contorts with fury. “You want my baby to die?!”

“No, I just -- I don’t want you to leave me! Rose, please, don’t do this --”

There’s a burning pain in her gem and she falls to the ground.

“My Pearl!” Rose rushes to apologise. “My Pearl, I’m sorry, but you can’t take this so personally! I want to spend the rest of my life with Greg, even if that means I have to shorten my own life. I’m so sorry, my Pearl.”

“But…” She gasps through gritted teeth; even talking is hard through the pain. “You said I was the most important…”

“Pearl.” Her name comes out as a sob. “Don’t make me feel any more guilty about this than I already do.” She wipes her eyes. “Move your hands.”

Pearl realises that her hands are clasped over her gem, skinny fingers digging into her forehead in an attempt to stop the pain. She moves her trembling arms away from her head and flinches as Rose runs her tear-stained hands over the crack.

She breathes a shaky sigh of relief as the healing powers begin to take effect. She struggles to her feet, legs shaking beneath her, but as pain and fear fade, anger and confusion take their place. “You -- Rose, you just hit me! You can’t do that!”

“I healed you.”

Sometimes when Rose talks, it feels like she’s saying two things at once. There are double meanings that she can hide in her speech, in ways that Garnet and Amethyst wouldn’t notice even if they heard.

“I healed you,” she repeats, and the message is clear._ I could have not healed you. I could have let you shatter. You should be grateful I healed you._

“I feel guilty enough about it.” The message is even clearer. _Don’t mention it. I can do it again, you know._

* * *

“Pearl, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine,” Pearl mumbles, wiping her eyes.

“No, really,” insists Peridot. “She … she shouldn’t have treated you like that! Do the other Crystal Gems know?”

“...Garnet does,” she answers, and she knows Peridot won’t think it’s a very good answer.

Peridot sighs. “We should go outside. Bismuth and Amethyst are participating in some sort of human game. We can join them, if you want.”

“Good idea.” She stands up, then hesitates. “But … before we go… I accept your request.”

Peridot steps back, slightly startled. “What?”

“I … If this ends up not working out, we can hopefully remain friends.” She hesitates. “But … I think I’m ready for this. I don’t want to keep chasing after human girls that I can’t commit to for fear of outliving them, and I don’t want to find a previously high-ranking gem that wants to use me as a replacement for the Pearl they had before the hierarchies were abolished. I … I want you, Peridot. And not as an owner.”

“...”

“...”

“...If you’re sure.”

Their first kiss is an awkward affair -- Peridot is around half of Pearl’s height, and she eventually chooses to stand on a table rather than to let herself be lifted or have Pearl crouch down. They walk outside, hands interlocked.

It’s immediately obvious to two of the three Crystal Gems hanging out on the beach. Amethyst shoots them a teasing wink when she sees them holding hands; Garnet pops a large green balloon with the words “Sorry for your loss” written on it, and holds up a cyan one that says “Congratulations!”

So she did know. Pearl and Peridot aren’t entirely surprised.

Steven comes home later that night, rambling incoherently about the R-rated movie he snuck in to see as Stevonnie and smelling suspiciously like something both he and Connie are too young to consume. He mysteriously has a headache the next day. Pearl mumbles something passive-aggressive under her breath about how she knew this was going to happen and makes a plan to tell him off when he’s less hungover, but she does not panic.

She copes. She’ll cope.

She doesn't have to do it alone.


End file.
